David Dean Mendoza

A nasty situation occurred recently between myself, my roommate, and my landlord over the refund of our apartment deposit.  My roommate has a feeling that our landlord was upset over the fact that his renters of five years have the education to look for a deal right next door, buy the property, and move forward and upwards with their lives.  We figured our landlord must be feeling disappointed that he will have to fix the place up, and find new tenants, but never did we expect him to be so nasty to us.  It reminds me of some of my composition professors.  Pure haters, at least my experience. 

On several occasions I have experienced a feeling hard to describe from composition professors.  It could take the form of a look, or a lack of verbal response.  These non-verbals occur when:  (1.)  I write something that is beyond criticism where they cannot criticize.  (2.)  I get accepted into a festival, or conference that they did or could not.  (3.)  Receive an award that they did or could not receive.  Suddenly, the font I use offends them, or suddenly “oh that conference doesn't really mean anything.”  They don’t say much.  If they do, it’s very quickly, something like, “Congratulations.”  Nothing more.  Forget about any sign of encouragement.  Pure jealousy.  After graduation, forget about it.  They could not care less about what has become of you. 

The basic point is that, some individuals feel that it might be ok for SOMEONE ELSE to get ahead, but not YOU.  How dare YOU get ahead, yet alone exceed your professor at something.  Who knows what they are thinking.  Race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, even generational differences might play a role here as well.  When they are not canceling your lesson, they are talking on the phone, or doing lessons over email.  Ultimately, university composition professors really don't give a damn.  A student will never really be accepted as an equal, which is why every young composer needs to be a DIY composer.  They need to do all of the marketing, web design, promotion, legal, financial, business, long term planning, networking, travel, and even performing.  All the more reason to follow your inner voice, and be yourself when it comes to artistic endeavors.  It’s so hard to find positive encouragement these days when it comes to education.  So I encourage young composers to think hard when criticism comes their way.  Is this criticism coming from a good place, or is it coming from a place of jealousy. 

This jealousy comes from the culture of new music.  Tom Service has written about this situation perfectly in his article So long, and thanks for all the noise: 2010 and the end of musical history 

...Contemporary classical music is often – a culture – sub-culture is really more accurate – that consists mostly of people who want to criticise more than celebrate, and in which assessments of value and importance are made in exactly the opposite way to that which they are made in the (most of) the rest of the musical world. It's a topsy-turvy never-never land in which the ugly is the beautiful – and not in a good way - in which musical communication, conceived as the active transmission of sonic-semantic phenomena to as great a number of people as possible, is frowned upon (you can only 'get' this music if you're clever enough, if you're part of the club), and in which if you enjoy yourself, you ain't doing it right. As I suggest in my title today – it's over. The situation of new music is systemically shot through with contradictions, in terms of its institutions, its communities, and possibly its composers.